Have you ever felt the sting of jealousy and wondered how to handle it? In this post, we’ll explore what jealousy is, how it affects our lives, and share practical tips to help you manage this complex emotion. Keep reading to learn more!

What is Jealousy? 

Jealousy is a complex emotion that arises when we feel a valued relationship is threatened, often sparking behaviors intended to address or resolve this perceived threat. Experiencing this can stir up additional feelings, such as resentment, hurt, and loss of trust. 

 While it can be a common reaction and a widely shared experience, as it develops, it can quickly become distressing, intense and/or overwhelming. This emotion not only affects us mentally and emotionally, but it can also cause physical reactions.

What Can Jealousy Look Like? (Somatic, Behavioural, & Thought Patterns)

Recognizing these signs can help us understand jealousy’s impact on our body, mind, and actions, making it easier to address. Here are some common ways jealousy can manifest: 

Somatic Impact: Physical Symptoms of Jealousy 

Jealousy isn’t just an emotional experience—it can trigger a variety of physical sensations, often similar to sensations associated with stress or anxiety. Here are some examples: 

• Headaches 

• Uneasiness in the Stomach:  

• Nausea 

• Chest Pain or Tightness 

• Increased Heart Rate and Blood Pressure 

• Weight Changes (gain or loss) 

• Sleep Disturbances 

• Poor Appetite 

Behavioural Signs of Jealousy 

Jealousy can influence our actions, often causing us to take on new behavioural patterns that could become harmful. As they develop, these behaviors can impact our relationships, as they may create distance or conflict. Here are some common associated behaviors: 

• Criticism: When we experience jealousy, there is an increased likelihood that we can become more critical of others; sometimes as a way to cope with our own feelings of inadequacy. This criticism can create tension, especially in close relationships. 

• Resentment: This can lead to resentment, either toward the person we’re jealous of or toward others who aren’t dealing with our present circumstances. This can lead to passive-aggressive behavior or emotional withdrawal. 

• Monitoring or Checking: Some people may feel an urge to monitor another person (ex. a partner, a close friend, etc) and their social media, messages, or activities as a way to reassure themselves. However, this behavior can create mistrust and strain relationships. 

Thought Patterns and Feelings: The Mental Experience of Jealousy 

Jealousy often brings up specific thought patterns and feelings that add fuel to the fire, and contribute to its intensity. Recognizing these patterns early can help us address it before it becomes overwhelming. Here are some common examples of thoughts and feelings you may experience: 

• Comparison to Others: This may prompt us to compare ourselves to others – whether it’s their success, looks, or relationships. This can stir up feelings of inadequacy and leave us questioning if we measure up. 

• Self-Doubt: Jealousy can make us doubt ourselves, with thoughts like “I’m not good enough” or “I can’t compete.” 

• Anxious Thoughts: It’s common to feel heightened worry or fear, especially about losing something or someone important, like a relationship or social status. 

• Low Mood and Sadness: Persistent jealousy can bring down our mood or even lead to depression, especially if we feel that we’re not living up to certain expectations or fear losing what we have. 

• Fear and Mistrust: Jealousy can evoke fears of betrayal or abandonment, making it easy to feel hesitant to trust others, or insecure in relationships. 

• Anger: It’s natural for these emotions to provoke anger, whether it’s turned inward as self-criticism or directed outward toward others to those who have hurt us. 

• Rumination: Jealous thoughts can lead to repetitive, circular thinking, keeping us stuck in cycles of insecurity or frustration and replaying scenarios over and over in our minds. 

By identifying these physical symptoms, behaviors, and thoughts, we can work to challenge and replace them with healthier, more realistic perspectives. 

Managing Jealousy and Adopting Healthy Coping Practices 

Now that we’ve identified how jealousy can present, let’s discuss healthy practices to navigate this complex emotion and associated feelings. 

• Identify Triggers: Make a mental note of what topics or situations trigger jealousy for you. Is it only in response to certain contexts or people? When we reflect on these patterns, overtime, it can help us to address the emotion before it becomes overwhelming. 

• Challenge Negative Thoughts: As we mentioned, jealousy often involves comparisons or feelings of insecurity/inadequacy. The next time you feel jealous, you could pause and ask yourself –  

  ❓Are these thoughts accurate and true, or are they based on assumptions?  

  ❓Am I comparing myself to others fairly? 

  ❓What would I say to a friend feeling this way? 

  ❓What do I truly need or want in this situation? 

  ❓Is there an action I can take that would make me feel better? (ex. Physical activity, breathwork, self-care practices) 

  ❓How important will this situation or feeling be in a month, a year, or five years? 

• Therapy: Discussing your emotions with a licensed professional can be beneficial as they help you to navigate your feelings and perspectives. This can be a good option for both individuals and for couples! Therapists will also be able to provide support regarding next steps. At TCC, if you are looking for a therapist in Alberta who specializes in emotional regulation and relationships, check out Gabriella. She offers both individual and couple’s sessions! 

• Open Communication: If jealousy is affecting a relationship and if talking about your emotions isn’t a trigger, having a conversation with the other party can be beneficial.  

• Setting Boundaries: If there’s something or someone specific that is often a trigger, set boundaries. For example, if social media invokes comparison to others, limit your time scrolling and remind yourself that social media often showcase the highlights of someone’s life, not the full picture. 

• Practice Self-Compassion: Give yourself grace as you navigate jealousy, and accept that it’s a normal emotion and reaction. If you’re looking to identify the root cause of your jealous feelings, consulting with a therapist can be helpful. 

Conclusion 

Jealousy is a natural emotion, and although it may feel overwhelming, it doesn’t have to control us. By understanding it and identifying practices to manage it, we can maintain our well-being and work to build a healthy relationship with ourselves and others. As you navigate your emotions, remember that progress isn’t linear and takes time.  

If you’re looking for support to navigate your emotions or certain contexts, or have questions, contact TCC at info@thecognitivecorner.ca and we are happy to help!   

Resources:

Pietrzak, R. (2002). Sex differences in human jealousy A coordinated study of forced-choice, continuous rating-scale, and physiological responses on the same subjects. Evolution and Human Behavior, 23(2), 83–94. https://doi.org/10.1016/s1090-5138(01)00078-2 

Sheppard, S. (2021, September 12). Jealousy: Characteristics, Causes, and Coping Mechanisms. Verywell Mind. https://www.verywellmind.com/what-is-jealousy-5190471 

Zheng, X., & Kendrick, K. M. (2021). Neural and Molecular Contributions to Pathological Jealousy and a Potential Therapeutic Role for Intranasal Oxytocin. Frontiers in Pharmacology, 12, 652473. https://doi.org/10.3389/fphar.2021.652473